


Hold On To Nothing

by valenstyne



Category: Loveless
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Gen, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5849509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valenstyne/pseuds/valenstyne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Sou-chan,” he says for the third time. “Did something happen?”</p><p>He doesn’t expect a reply, but to his surprise, Soubi says, so quietly that Kio almost can’t hear him, “Seimei.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold On To Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> "Hold on to nothing / he won't let you down" - David Bowie, "After All"
> 
> (This fic is a couple of years old but I'm pretty sure it's still canon-compliant.)

Soubi is not particularly outgoing, so it’s no surprise when he comes into class and takes a seat at his easel without speaking to anyone. Kio doesn’t start to worry until he goes to say hello and Soubi doesn’t respond, doesn’t even look at him or tell him to go away. He’s painting mechanically, looking glazed; his brushstrokes are uncharacteristically imprecise.

“Sou-chan,” Kio says. “Sou-chan, are you okay?” He’s pretty sure the answer is _no_ , because even for Soubi this level of detachment is weird. “Talk to me.”

Soubi’s lips move, but no sound comes out. He dips his brush into his blue paint without looking and makes another line on the canvas. Kio examines the painting. Butterflies again.

“Sou-chan,” he says for the third time. “Did something happen?”

He doesn’t expect a reply, but to his surprise, Soubi says, so quietly that Kio almost can’t hear him, “Seimei.”

Kio’s hands clench involuntarily into fists. He should’ve known it had something to do with that bastard. He takes a deep breath and tries to figure out the best way to get further information out of Soubi. The only thing that’s ever worked has been simple persistence, so Kio decides he’ll go with that. “Hey, Sou-chan, if you don’t wanna talk about it now I’ll walk you home after class and you can tell me then, okay?”

Soubi nods slightly, and Kio pats him cautiously on the shoulder and returns to his own work. Not that he can concentrate now, of course.

At the end of class Soubi very nearly manages to sneak away alone, but Kio catches up with him outside. It’s not just that he wants to know what happened. With Soubi in this state Kio is afraid he’s going to walk in front of a bus or something, either by accident or…better not to think about the alternative. Kio tries to keep up a cheerful facade with a bright smile and a stream of inconsequential small talk, but eventually he falters and they walk the rest of the way in silence.

By the time they reach Soubi’s apartment, Kio has gone from being worried to flat-out scared. He’s never seen Soubi act like this—he’s never seen _anybody_ act like this before. He follows Soubi inside, half expecting to be told to leave, but even that seems to be too much; Soubi simply ignores him. 

“ _Sou-chan_ ,” Kio says through gritted teeth. There is a limit, after all. “If you won’t tell me what happened I can’t help you. What’s the matter? What did Seimei do?”

Soubi stands there, in the middle of the nearly empty room, and says without turning around, “Seimei is dead.”

Shock floods Kio’s chest. “Dead?” he repeats disbelievingly, staring at Soubi’s back. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this.

Soubi nods jerkily, makes his way unsteadily to the table and drops into a chair, burying his face in his hands. Kio watches him helplessly, wanting to do or say something but not knowing what, then does the only thing that he can think of; he goes to Soubi and holds him. Soubi doesn’t push him away, at least. 

“I’m here,” Kio says, even though he doubts Soubi cares right now. Probably the only person he wants to see is Seimei. Kio bites back what he really wants to say, that he’s _glad_ Seimei is dead because it means he can’t hurt Soubi anymore—but then, he’s caused more pain by dying than he ever did when he was alive. “Can I…do anything for you?”

Soubi shakes his head. Kio hugs him tighter, as though he can somehow hold Soubi together, keep him from breaking. Part of him wants to be angry not at Seimei but at Soubi, for being willing to suffer so much for someone who was so damn cruel to him—but then, Kio knows that there was more to their relationship than met the eye, and it’s not his place to tell Soubi how to feel. So he says, “I won’t leave you, Sou-chan,” and he means it, more than he’s ever meant anything before. And then, because it’s true, he says, “I love you.”

Soubi makes a funny choked noise. 

Kio chooses to interpret it as a laugh.


End file.
